Ready for motherhood

In Indian traditions after pestering girls to get married they pester them about when will they provide kids. When will the society change and leave us in peace.

This is my friend’s story…She told me this many years ago

My friend got married into a loving family. She was born into a modern family were her family members never tried to stop her from being independent, She knew her husband and his family before marriage as she was in college with him. His family was also modern. Her In laws before marriage were quite nice. She told her husband on her wedding night that she doesn’t want become a mother so soon and wants to focus on her career and stuff. The husband didn’t mind. He wasn’t ready to become a father at a young age either. Her MIL was also quite considering and didn’t mind about a child at that time. She had a wonderful married life in the initial years where she was loved and have loving in laws and she loved her MIL more then her own mother. 4 years later her MIL went on top of her head to give her grandchild. My friend mentioned to me that she doesn’t mind if its a girl or a boy she just wants a kid to play with. Her husband doesn’t care if he wants a baby or not so its my friend who has to get the constant taunts of being infertile when she is not.

This is what she said to me once ‘Scared of being pregnant, scared of giving birth, and horrified of being responsible for a baby… a child.. for the REST OF MY LIFE!! I don’t want to stop being young yet! I want to keep having fun, traveling, working, going on holiday trips. I want to be able to goof around with my friends and family without hearing constant crying of a child.”

Do you think it is wrong when you want to live your own life without having a child to tag along with?

Hearing constant taunts from her MIL made her feel guilty and depressed and she decided to have a child. I tried to stop her but she ignored me and decided to make her MIL happy. Recently she gave birth to twins and she is depressed as ever. She forgot she has a life of her own. Her husband is really useless. She was the beauty queen of college now she has turned into a maid.

‘The sons of the Indian society’

I am not saying that every son is evil… I am saying is that male babies get more attention than female gender babies…You lot might have heard all this before and I am not here to repeat it. 

I want to share my life story….All started in India….

I wasn’t the only child in the family (Thank God otherwise my granny would have killed my mum) I was the first child…My mum’s in-laws all were unhappy except for my granddad…He adored me throughout my childhood. Grandma made my mum abort 2 of my sisters before I was born. My granny cried like a mental women when I was born as she didn’t try to find out the gender of me when I was in my mum’s womb. She kept on screaming at my mother for not carrying the vansh forward and for not giving her a grandson to play with….All this happened while she was in the hospital bed. My mother told me lots of times that granny always use to threaten her if she didn’t provide a grandson a second time round she would burn her alive along with me (Thank fully that bit never happened) My dad what could I say about him…Sorry to say but he was an hypocrite loving me in the school playground and at home but beating me up for no particular reason in front of my grandma just to make her happy. He loved my mum but always criticized her in front of his mum just to please her that her son is still the same guy who she gave birth to. My mum’s parents my nana nani never knew about me. My mum was made to lose all contact regarding to all those connected to her mayaka.

I was basically born in an environment as you all simply guessed were daughters were looked down upon for simplest reasons. My brother was born a few years after me and there was a grand celebration for it. Granny suddenly turned nice to my mother and you can guess why. That moment was only for a few days until she turned it her ‘normal’ self. My granny throughout my childhood simply loathed me while she simply adored her grandson for no particular reason. She never once looked at me properly always snorting and giving looks of disgust. She always use to say to my mother ‘you made a big mistake bringing this **** up. This boy will never leave since you give him so much love. They will be your saharaha and support you till you die like my son does. This girl will be a pain to you throughout her womanhood’ I always wanted her love but never got it. Well she never had the time to give it me since the other task she was doing when not pampering her grandson was torturing my mother turning her into a slave and abusing her. She always hated it when I got excellent grades at school while my brother got very bad grades due to him being spoiled too much. My granddad did lots of tries to sort out his wife but she remained the way she was. She was simply arrogant because she herself had 6 brothers and even gave birth 7 sons and got 1 of hers daughter killed. Nobody ever reminded her the fact that 6 of her sons never saw her face again after they got married.

My mother loved us both but she gave more attention to my brother for the sake of my grandmother so she doesn’t complain every 5 seconds. As of the affection my brother turned wayward as expected later in life. My brother always thought that he could do whatever he wanted and nobody could say anything to him. He never liked my grandmother just gave her fake love so she can give him half of the property (Which she never did) Never studied…He still hasn’t. He did many other bad things which I am not going to name. But my grandmother ignored that thinking that the ghar ka chirag can do no wrong. My mother always tried to teach him manners and sort him out but she couldn’t not with her MIL around. Granny always hated the fact that I was brilliant in my studies. I guessed I shouldn’t have been brilliant. When I was in 9 or 10th grade my dad took me out of school just because his mum told him. I was taught to be a housewife that was the only time period when my granny spoke directly to me but never smiled or looked at my face. I always wanted her to love me but never got it. I craved for a grandmother’s love

Result of all that love – My brother left the family the family when he was 18. (Around 6/7 years ago) Never to return back

While I am now in a successful university in London while being married to a loving husband and planning to become a wonderful mother

My parents and granddad are also in UK. I look after them as much I can while being with my family too

My dad doesn’t remember how much of a hypocrite he was because of his illness and mum remembers everything. She has cried multiple times because of the ignorance I faced as a child but I forgave her. Actually she could have tried to change the views of my grandma but she never did…She preferred being the typical bahu then getting kicked out of the house with no were to go…

My grandma died while waiting for her grandson to return. Hell she even cursed me on her death bed…

Where was the Bhuddhape Ka Sahara when he was needed? 

I am not saying you should love you’re daughters more than your sons or vice versa. All I am saying is why can’t parents love them equally. What is the whole point giving a child extra attention when s/he won’t even remember you after you die…?

I don’t know what else to say other than questioning why people like my grandma behave like that. I never understood what is special about surnames to be take forward into the next generation…When they going to ruin it anyway…

I have no idea what to say to change the minds of people…